Updated: Feb 28
Choose Your Words Wisely
“You are not marriage material” were the words I used at the moment. These five simple words had a tremendous amount of impact. These are probably some of the most destructive words anyone can use when in a relationship. I think back to the time I used them and to whom they were directed, and I admit this was not my best moment.
Our relationship started quite innocently as we both met in high school through a mutual friend. From there, our friendship grew, and I developed a crush on her. There was never a good time to reveal my feelings as it always seemed too complicated. In either case, a significant amount of time went by before the stars aligned and we “connected.” What made this relationship special was the fact we were terrific friends before becoming lovers.
We had our first real test as a couple when I traveled to Germany to study abroad for a few months. There was a six-hour time difference between us, and we talked as often as we could. When I returned home, she picked me up from the airport and had some news she wanted to share. She wanted to be honest with me and tell me directly she had met someone and was unsure whether she wanted to pursue it. I was devastated, as I had also been tempted while abroad but opted against it as I would never consider hurting my “friend.” I told her I would make it easy for her; she should pursue it. We were done!
Our groups ran in pretty tight circles, and time passed. We found our way back to one another and started to become friends again. The friendship began to develop into something more, and she wanted to define what it was. Unfortunately, it was on her time, and at her demand, we should define it. Looking back, I was not over the initial heartbreak of her infidelity. I had not forgiven her, and I took it a step further by throwing out the words “You are not marriage material”! They say words cut like a knife, these cut deep.
This was the defining moment in our relationship, and I could not reel these words back in. I ended the relationship and added a big exclamation point at the end. It was how I felt in the moment, and I lashed out. Anger is a funny thing and creeps up at the most inopportune times. I honestly wish I could take back those words as they were hurtful when the whole situation could have been handled differently.