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I Had to Learn Who I Was Before Subjecting Anyone Else to Me!

Updated: Feb 28

I Didn’t Get Married Until 35

Photo by Jack Sharp on Unsplash


How many times had I heard the question? Why haven’t you settled down yet? Don’t you want to have kids? We were programmed at very young ages to believe in marriage, yearn for a lovely house, have a few kids. All the more, I could hear my Dad saying, “Don’t ever get married.” You see, my model for marriage consisted of my mother and Father and their tumultuous marriage. They hit all of the lows and very minimal highs. This dynamic pair should have divorced many years ago.


Indeed, I did not want to take part in the same type of marriage. I came out of my shell in my late teens and twenties. I had two steady relationships in my twenties, but only one I could have considered marrying. I could always find some flaw in whomever I dated, and I dated frequently. The drawback would be magnified when time became burdensome, and I decided to move on.


I have had a lot of time to reflect on this. I think about myself and who I was in my twenties. The fact is, I had no idea who I was and what I wanted. I knew I did not yearn for what my parents had. I always remember the quote, “ Life is short, but if you marry badly, life is long.” This quote always seemed to resonate with me. Who, other than my parents, wants to be miserable their entire life? When I made it to my thirties, I started to hear the questions ever louder. Why isn’t Jeff married? I was taken aback when this same question came out of my Father’s mouth.


I eventually met someone I could see for who she was. She was already in my orbit, and we had developed a friendship in our later twenties. I believe it was our long friendship that led to our eventual dating. She cut through all of my “BS,” and we saw each other for who we were. Flaws be damned, we were pretty good for one another. If there is one lesson I could impart on anyone in their twenties, don’t rush to get married. Try to assess who you are and live your best life alone before you bring someone else into your life.

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